Modern Man – A point by point response.

Taken from this list of douchebaggery.

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

The modern man spends a lot of time in the returns line with the shoes he just bought. His wife now thinks he doesn’t like the way she looks in public.

2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.

But somehow number 26 is still valid. Okay.

Is the modern man a closet alcoholic?

3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.

Shocked that the modern man would still go to such base entertainment as those containing a “ruckus.”

4. The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.

I have nothing to disagree with here. The fat is what makes a steak.

5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.

Whatever, man.

6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.

If the kids’ device dies, it’ll be the only time and they’ll do it themselves. Just like touching a hot stove — you only do it once.

7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.

Modernity belongs to yankees, it would seem.

8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.

With all charity, this list can GTFO.

9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

…and with sons?

10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

Grab a towel and get done quicker. 

11. The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet, and he never will.

You wrote a listicle, but somehow I’m supposed to respect your opinion on tweeting. Right.

12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.

A real man just rinses that time.

13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.

Guilty. It usually comes on my rotation after Steely Dan.

14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.

To each his own.

15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.

If the shoes click while walking, then they are women’s shoes. 

Based on my analysis, a lot of modern men out there are wearing women’s shoes.

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

See 25.

Also: Marriage? This is a modern list. How positively medieval.

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

Pass, because I have no idea what a “melon baller” is. But I can already tell I don’t like it.

18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.

Any other guy would buy one and not feel like he has to make a social statement about it.

19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.

Again, shocked by the medieval captivity of marriage appearing here, but it is good advice.

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.

Fork off.

21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.

Who scolds someone for sneezing? I’m actually curious. I have a word for them, and it rhymes with “Smass-tole.”

22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.

But can he get back before his cigarette ashes?

23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

I was never a boy scout, but not being prepared doesn’t seem manly in any generation.

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.

Better to have and not need than to need and not have. Would also greatly assist with the intruder scenario.

And, the only people who say this have never gone shooting.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

Try to square this with number 2 and 20.

Again, closet alcoholic? Bar stools stained with Scotch and tears?

27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.

A real man dances with his wife, not for others.

September 11, 2001

Each year it seems like new memories and thoughts come up. I posted many of them to Twitter, and here they are in order here.

Was watching Ed, Edd, & Eddy when my grandmother called. We changed the channel to the news and were never the same.

In February of 02 I had the opportunity to be a support runner in the Olympic torch relay before Salt Lake City.

All were sharing stories beforehand of how they got nominated to either carry the torch or be a support runner.

A few had written songs, some (like myself) had done small charity work. The last thing on any of our minds was 9/11.

But then a pregnant woman spoke with the bus and driver about what would happen if she went into labor, as she was around eight months.

To all of us she revealed her husband had been on the plane that hit tower two.

And then,

About eight years later I had the chance to go to NYC, to see SDSU play in the NIT at Madison Square Garden.

We did the usual stuff — Seinfeld restaurant, Central Park, etc. But I felt we’d be doing ourselves a disservice to not see Ground Zero.

I still remember getting off the subway, and it felt different from any other part of the city. Lots of NYPD on patrol.

What was most noticeable as we walked towards Ground Zero was the large gap between the tall buildings.

It was obvious that something big was missing that used to be there.

I had watched the towers fall on television, in disbelief. But here before me was a giant hole in the city.

Not just wide, but deep — a crater.

I have not been back to see the memorial, and I am sure that it is a fine testament.

Though I am so grateful to have been able to see the actual site, which still had construction crews working all those years later.

I am sure there are thousands of stories from people like me, people who “weren’t there” directly or may not’ve lost anyone directly.

But it sure did affect me directly. When you’re a teenager you have no idea what mortality is.

And it still took years to process exactly what happened.

I am grateful video is not often shown of the impacts or the collapses. May that footage never be lost. It must be preserved.

But it is harder to watch now than as it happened. Like I said, it took years to process exactly what happened.

…it wasn’t buildings collapsing, or planes exploding. It was people dying. What a terrible thing to see on a Tuesday morning.

A Tool to Scream

Goodbye, They breathe but cannot scream
They have no tools to build voices
They wait in fetal position
Martyrs on altars of mistakes
The martyr
They have not the tools to scream
They are just the ones upon the altars of mistakes
There is no safe place
The marytr

PWX: Superkick World review, ratings

I went to a wrestling show and took notes and pictures.

High Country Wrestling Chronicle

Superkick World
July 12, 2015
Premier Wrestling Xperience

Moose def. Ethan Case **3/4
-Moose thanks Case and Evans for helping put him on the map

IMG_2174

Anthony Henry def. Tommaso Ciampa ****
(w/ Amber Young)
-Ciampa was super over. The crowd loved him.
-Ciampa says “I’ll be back” and crowd pops.

IMG_2178 IMG_2186

Jaxon James def. Elijah Evans **1/2

Joe Black def. Chip Day ***1/2
-Last Man Standing for #1 contender
-Cedric Alexander watches from apron (sips a fan’s beer, laughs)
-funny trash talk between Black-Day and Cedric-Day.

The Bravado Brothers vs Andrew Everett & Trevor Lee ****
-ended No Contest when Country Jacked ran in and attacked BBs.
-Lee/Everett are excellent as a team or opponents
-630 splash!

IMG_2194

Roderick Strong def. Cedric Alexander ****1/2
-MOTN and it wasn’t even close
-both guys super over (Strong the visitor, Cedric the local)
-could tell these guys have great chemistry, evidenced by ROH
-Strong…

View original post 145 more words

NCAA goes Wrestlemania

Via Grantland:

In honor of WrestleMania on Sunday, can you compare each of the 16 remaining teams to professional wrestlers?

Vince

Whew. I was worried we were going to make it through the entire mailbag without a WrestleMania question. Of course I’ll compare the teams to wrestlers.

Kentucky is Brock Lesnar: Obviously.

Duke is John Cena: Because everyone either loves them or hates them with no in between.

Wisconsin is Dolph Ziggler: Because they were recently close to being in the title picture and now they’re trying to claw their way back.

Arizona is Cesaro: Because they have an insane amount of talent but can’t seem to get out of the midcard.

Gonzaga is Rusev: Because they crush everyone, but their critics still say they haven’t faced real competition yet. Also, Rusev hates America and Gonzaga has all sorts of international players.

Oklahoma is Dean Ambrose: Because he’s “unstable” and there’s no telling which Oklahoma team will show up on any given night.

Notre Dame is Sheamus: Because he’s Irish.

Louisville is Ryback: Because they frequently win ugly. Also, they were in the title hunt not too long ago, then they fell off the map for a while, and now they’re back on the rise.

North Carolina is Randy Orton: Because they have a Hall of Fame track record and are still really good even if they aren’t quite title contenders right now. Also, Walmarts in the Midwest are full of people who love them both.

West Virginia is Luke Harper: Because … well …

harper-luke-wweUtah is Bray Wyatt: Because they don’t strike me as true title contenders, even though I can’t point to a single reason why.

Xavier is Kofi Kingston: Because they’ve made some deep tournament runs but have yet to make a Final Four. They always provide a few awesome spots but then get out of the way when it’s time for the big boys to take over.

Michigan State is Triple H: Because they epitomize the “I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was” ethos.

Wichita State is Daniel Bryan: Because they’re the little guy who improbably climbed to the top, got knocked down, and is desperate to get back where he was.

NC State is Mizdow: Because they’ve played second fiddle forever and are ready to make a name for themselves.

UCLA is Big Show: Because their heyday was forever ago and everyone wonders why they’re still around.

What if the NCAA adopted the Money in the Bank concept from WWE and implemented it during the NCAA Tournament? For example, the previous year’s champ (UConn) would be in possession of the MITB briefcase. The defending champ could choose to cash in the briefcase after the national champion for the current year has been determined.

Can you imagine if Kentucky was celebrating on the court after winning the title and then all of a sudden the UConn fight song started playing and the Huskies stormed onto the court to cash in the briefcase?
Brad

I love it, but there’s a problem — no element of surprise. What makes theMITB briefcase so awesome in WWE is that whoever possesses it can cash in whenever they want. In college basketball, everyone would know that the cash-in would happen right after the title game. So both teams in the title game might try to conserve energy for the cash-in game.

I think it could work if we add these stipulations:

  • The defending national champion must be .500 or better to cash in.
  • The cash-in must happen during the NCAA tournament, but before the Final Four starts.
  • The cash-in can only happen against 1-seeds.
  • If the briefcase holder wins the cash-in game, they become the 1-seed.
  • The cash-in game would be just one five-minute overtime period instead of an entire game.
  • If the cash-in happens immediately after a game has been played, fouls carry over.

So let’s say Kentucky beats West Virginia and then advances to play Wichita State in the Elite Eight. That game ends up being brutally physical, Willie Cauley-Stein fouls out, and Kentucky guts out a two-point win. As the Cats put on their Final Four shirts and hats, UConn’s music hits and Kevin Ollie comes charging out of the locker room with the briefcase. Kentucky would have to play the five-minute period with dead legs and no Cauley-Stein. If UConn wins, the Huskies go to the Final Four.

I know that you’re thinking there’s still no element of surprise, but there is. Even though it seems obvious that everyone would wait until after the Elite Eight game, remember that the briefcase holder can only cash in against 1-seeds. If Wichita State wins that game in our scenario, then UConn is screwed. If no 1-seeds make the Elite Eight, UConn is screwed. And what if it doesn’t want to cash in against Kentucky? Maybe it would rather use it on Wisconsin. But if the Buzzcuts lose to North Carolina before the Huskies can cash in, they’re screwed.

One last tweak: Let’s make it so the cash-in can happen at any time and not just at the end of a game. So if Kentucky is down seven with three minutes left in the Elite Eight game, and UConn is worried that the Cats will lose, the Huskies can choose to cash in right in the middle of the game. The Kentucky–Wichita State game would pause, the cash-in period would be played, and if UConn wins, it inherits Kentucky’s time and score against the Shockers. That game resumes and UConn has to dig out of a seven-point deficit in three minutes to clinch a spot in the Final Four.

BRB — I’m gonna jump in my car and drive to Indianapolis to pitch this idea to the NCAA. In the meantime, enjoy the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight.